Thanks for this Marc. These are some great ways to refocus on what is true and good. One other thing I have found to help during times of sadness when I am tempted to turn my thoughts inward is to go find someone to serve. Actively serving someone else reorients my focus away from me and toward others.
I appreciate your thoughts on this subject and recognize where you are coming from, a place of love and concern. I have been struggling on and off (sometimes I feel like mostly on) with depression since I was a teenager. I’m 50. I didn’t know it then, but I do now. The thing that has been the hardest for me to recognize is that my sadness and tragic sense of self is a weird and twisted form of pride and narcissism. As much as that was hard for me to hear and as much as I wanted to disagree with the person who said it, I came to realize its truth. I used to feel that it was impossible for anyone to understand how I felt because “Look at me, I’m so sad and tragic.” I’m sorry, but that is a prideful and narcissistic view. It was unintentional pride, but pride none-the-less. Yes, depression stems from, I believe, a natural place (our genetic predispositions), but it also, I believe, grows in our environments and patterns of thinking. It we nurture it in a tragically healthy soil, we end up making it worse. It’s hard to hear that when you’re stuck in a dark prison of thought, that you yourself may be responsible for the levels of what you’re experiencing. But, we actually do have control over how we feel. Unfortunately, for some of us we just have to work harder at feeling happy and content. I have to work everyday at it and it’s tiring, especially when you see others that appear to be joyful without even trying. And some tragically just reach their limits of tired (Thankfully, I have not). But, that’s like anything in life. We are all have our weaknesses. Mine just happens to be a stronger pull towards the sad and melancholy. Sorry for the length of this, but your words brought out a great many thoughts.
Thank you, Marc. I’m once more in that dark place today. My anchorage is Christ who loves me, not the bleak emptiness that sometimes takes away my joy.
This was very interesting to read. I must say it sounds like this post is written from the perspective of someone who deals with a depressed christian, rather than the perspective and understanding of the depressed christian themselves. it is true, your average depressed individual can be annoying sometimes and self-centred in their repetitive conversations. i believe though, that narcism might be a fruit of depression rather than the root of depression itself. so to warn a depressed person against their potential narcissitic behaviour might make them aware which is great, but also might just cause them to pull back into themselves even more or might lead them to 'try hard not to be depressed' - which is kind of the sense i get from the article ... that the depressed christian must work in their own power to stop. it's almost like the direction the article is pointing in is for the depressed christian to 'get it together' because feelings aren't always real. take the example about how when you were a child you were scared of the groaning creeks of your home, i believe you were making a genuine example but that kind of comparison can come off as patronising (i'm sure that was not your intention at all though). The article also tosses depression into a basket of 'feelings' when really, depression is more than that. sadness, yes is a feeling. depression is a state of being. likewise with anger vs rage, sexual arousal vs lust. just like how someone might 'believe' in God but to be a Christian, to pick up your cross and follower of Christ is a something totally different. also, the implication that being depressed and staying tethered to the truth is mutually exclusive is not always so black and white. it can be true, and probably is in most cases, but the depressed christian most likely knows the truth but they do not walk in it. In my understanding, it is in that continued pursuit of that Truth, with graceful and supportive community, that one is set free.
Because paranoid and ignorant pastors have demonized meditation -- quieting your mind and silencing your thoughts -- very few Christians know much of anything about managing depression, anxiety, worry, and fear. Most of the negative emotions we experience (especially the ones that keep us in repetitive negative self talk) are from an overactive Default Mode Network. The quickest way to reduce the activity of the DMN is through meditation. By simply sitting down, getting comfortable, relaxing your body, and taking deep slow breaths in and out through your nose while focusing all your attention on the area just under your nose, you can start lowering it's activity. This is literally a reset button for your mind and nervous system. By lowering the activity of the DMN, all the self referential thought (a main source of depression and anxiety) starts to fade. Literally, you can't be upset, anxious, or depressed if you're not thinking! If you continue long enough, if you want to experience it or not, you'll start feeling positive emotions: because when you reduce the dominance of the "self" you get closer to the spirit. Calmness, peace, love, and joy can bubble up not matter how bad your day has been or how stressed you are about your life! The result is the realization that YOU can control your nervous system and emotions if you're willing to simply step out of the CAGE of emotions and constant internal dialog.
Of course, many pastors say meditation and even simple breathing exercises are a tool of the devil, a way to let all sorts of evil spirits into your mind. But the reality is that when you have a calm, tranquil, and peaceful mind you can instantly RECOGNIZE a stray thought that's not your own. If you're in constant anguish and anxiety with emotion laden thoughts consuming every moment of your life, then you have LITTLE ABILITY to distinguish your own thoughts from the influence of Satan. Because if you're already upset, fearful, or angry, how are you going to tell if a stray thought that's a little angrier than your own is really yours or not? Most likely, you'll assume it is one of yours and then start repeating it again and again -- when in reality it didn't come from you.
I'm dismayed that the Christian church is in such a state of extreme ignorance because pastors love to repeat dogma they simply hear others say rather than examine physical reality, what we've learned about the human nervous system, and how it matches up with what the Bible says.
Wonderfully written with the hopeful promise of an eternal life available for us all—regardless of the traumas and suffering we are guaranteed to have here on earth in a world broken by sin.
Depression is a key provision of a life fearfully filled with brokenness—yet it does provide the dichotomy for life filled with Peace and Joy when we allow, or better yet—generate Love with a simple turn of the head and heart towards the King of the Kingdom of truth.
We are meant to suffer without one another—and to enjoy life with each other’s love.
It’s when love is reserved and withheld that our hearts struggle.
The cure is to BE LOVE in any space at any time with anyone besides one’s self. When we find it hard to find LOVE in the world around us—remember the Lord never leaves us, forgets us or forsakes us. God’s Love is forever and pure. Only our own Faith assures that into eternity. Keep the Faith!
So beautiful. Thank you for this. It’s so important to remember and know Jesus knows pain—he knows sadness. We have a father that went through every single emotion you would, and might have in this world. He knows—cry to him. He is a comforter.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
B) I'm sorry (sincerely) you are wherever you are in your own struggles to make that snap interpretation. I'm sure things have been hard. The Lord be with you.
C) There is a lot of good in life beyond the realm of our dark feelings, and fixating exclusively on the darkness makes it even darker. We can admit our feelings are overwhelming, while also staying tethered to truth: there is so much good in the world.
Thanks for this Marc. These are some great ways to refocus on what is true and good. One other thing I have found to help during times of sadness when I am tempted to turn my thoughts inward is to go find someone to serve. Actively serving someone else reorients my focus away from me and toward others.
That's so true! If faith without works is dead, that must mean that the act of service and charity does something vivify.
This is very helpful sir
Shifting my focus from within and looking up and around me
This is wonderful work. Thank you
I appreciate your thoughts on this subject and recognize where you are coming from, a place of love and concern. I have been struggling on and off (sometimes I feel like mostly on) with depression since I was a teenager. I’m 50. I didn’t know it then, but I do now. The thing that has been the hardest for me to recognize is that my sadness and tragic sense of self is a weird and twisted form of pride and narcissism. As much as that was hard for me to hear and as much as I wanted to disagree with the person who said it, I came to realize its truth. I used to feel that it was impossible for anyone to understand how I felt because “Look at me, I’m so sad and tragic.” I’m sorry, but that is a prideful and narcissistic view. It was unintentional pride, but pride none-the-less. Yes, depression stems from, I believe, a natural place (our genetic predispositions), but it also, I believe, grows in our environments and patterns of thinking. It we nurture it in a tragically healthy soil, we end up making it worse. It’s hard to hear that when you’re stuck in a dark prison of thought, that you yourself may be responsible for the levels of what you’re experiencing. But, we actually do have control over how we feel. Unfortunately, for some of us we just have to work harder at feeling happy and content. I have to work everyday at it and it’s tiring, especially when you see others that appear to be joyful without even trying. And some tragically just reach their limits of tired (Thankfully, I have not). But, that’s like anything in life. We are all have our weaknesses. Mine just happens to be a stronger pull towards the sad and melancholy. Sorry for the length of this, but your words brought out a great many thoughts.
Thank you, Marc. I’m once more in that dark place today. My anchorage is Christ who loves me, not the bleak emptiness that sometimes takes away my joy.
May God shine the light of His face upon you there in that dark place, brother.
This was very interesting to read. I must say it sounds like this post is written from the perspective of someone who deals with a depressed christian, rather than the perspective and understanding of the depressed christian themselves. it is true, your average depressed individual can be annoying sometimes and self-centred in their repetitive conversations. i believe though, that narcism might be a fruit of depression rather than the root of depression itself. so to warn a depressed person against their potential narcissitic behaviour might make them aware which is great, but also might just cause them to pull back into themselves even more or might lead them to 'try hard not to be depressed' - which is kind of the sense i get from the article ... that the depressed christian must work in their own power to stop. it's almost like the direction the article is pointing in is for the depressed christian to 'get it together' because feelings aren't always real. take the example about how when you were a child you were scared of the groaning creeks of your home, i believe you were making a genuine example but that kind of comparison can come off as patronising (i'm sure that was not your intention at all though). The article also tosses depression into a basket of 'feelings' when really, depression is more than that. sadness, yes is a feeling. depression is a state of being. likewise with anger vs rage, sexual arousal vs lust. just like how someone might 'believe' in God but to be a Christian, to pick up your cross and follower of Christ is a something totally different. also, the implication that being depressed and staying tethered to the truth is mutually exclusive is not always so black and white. it can be true, and probably is in most cases, but the depressed christian most likely knows the truth but they do not walk in it. In my understanding, it is in that continued pursuit of that Truth, with graceful and supportive community, that one is set free.
Because paranoid and ignorant pastors have demonized meditation -- quieting your mind and silencing your thoughts -- very few Christians know much of anything about managing depression, anxiety, worry, and fear. Most of the negative emotions we experience (especially the ones that keep us in repetitive negative self talk) are from an overactive Default Mode Network. The quickest way to reduce the activity of the DMN is through meditation. By simply sitting down, getting comfortable, relaxing your body, and taking deep slow breaths in and out through your nose while focusing all your attention on the area just under your nose, you can start lowering it's activity. This is literally a reset button for your mind and nervous system. By lowering the activity of the DMN, all the self referential thought (a main source of depression and anxiety) starts to fade. Literally, you can't be upset, anxious, or depressed if you're not thinking! If you continue long enough, if you want to experience it or not, you'll start feeling positive emotions: because when you reduce the dominance of the "self" you get closer to the spirit. Calmness, peace, love, and joy can bubble up not matter how bad your day has been or how stressed you are about your life! The result is the realization that YOU can control your nervous system and emotions if you're willing to simply step out of the CAGE of emotions and constant internal dialog.
Of course, many pastors say meditation and even simple breathing exercises are a tool of the devil, a way to let all sorts of evil spirits into your mind. But the reality is that when you have a calm, tranquil, and peaceful mind you can instantly RECOGNIZE a stray thought that's not your own. If you're in constant anguish and anxiety with emotion laden thoughts consuming every moment of your life, then you have LITTLE ABILITY to distinguish your own thoughts from the influence of Satan. Because if you're already upset, fearful, or angry, how are you going to tell if a stray thought that's a little angrier than your own is really yours or not? Most likely, you'll assume it is one of yours and then start repeating it again and again -- when in reality it didn't come from you.
I'm dismayed that the Christian church is in such a state of extreme ignorance because pastors love to repeat dogma they simply hear others say rather than examine physical reality, what we've learned about the human nervous system, and how it matches up with what the Bible says.
This is so good, thank you for this!!
Wonderfully written with the hopeful promise of an eternal life available for us all—regardless of the traumas and suffering we are guaranteed to have here on earth in a world broken by sin.
Depression is a key provision of a life fearfully filled with brokenness—yet it does provide the dichotomy for life filled with Peace and Joy when we allow, or better yet—generate Love with a simple turn of the head and heart towards the King of the Kingdom of truth.
We are meant to suffer without one another—and to enjoy life with each other’s love.
It’s when love is reserved and withheld that our hearts struggle.
The cure is to BE LOVE in any space at any time with anyone besides one’s self. When we find it hard to find LOVE in the world around us—remember the Lord never leaves us, forgets us or forsakes us. God’s Love is forever and pure. Only our own Faith assures that into eternity. Keep the Faith!
So beautiful. Thank you for this. It’s so important to remember and know Jesus knows pain—he knows sadness. We have a father that went through every single emotion you would, and might have in this world. He knows—cry to him. He is a comforter.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalms 34:18 NLT
A) That isn't what I said.
B) I'm sorry (sincerely) you are wherever you are in your own struggles to make that snap interpretation. I'm sure things have been hard. The Lord be with you.
C) There is a lot of good in life beyond the realm of our dark feelings, and fixating exclusively on the darkness makes it even darker. We can admit our feelings are overwhelming, while also staying tethered to truth: there is so much good in the world.